As young people transition from childhood into adulthood, it is natural that those of the opposite sex should capture a bit of their attention. Did not God ordain the marriage relationship, in part, to address that need (Gen. 2:18-24; Heb. 13:4)? While I recognize that there are many variables in the equation, how much attention should our young be giving to the opposite sex and who fails to get their attention while they are so distracted?

It is fun to watch a young man come to the realization that girls are pretty. You can see the transition take place. He begins to comb his own hair without a reminder from his mom. He begins to tap into his daddy’s cologne bottle. This is often shortly followed by his first crush. All of a sudden, he is passing notes with a girl. Before long he has his first girlfriend. I remember my transition well.

As an adult Christian who is now married with six children of my own, I can look back on those days with a real degree of clarity and objectiveness. I remember spending an enormous portion of my youthful energy obsessed with girls. Granted, I wasn’t raised in a spiritual environment and had a very worldly viewpoint, but girls were the end all, be all of my existence. If I wasn’t in a relationship, I was looking for a girl to be in a relationship with. Girls were the topic of most of my conversations with the other guys. So many of my decisions were centered around a girl.

While the new “old fashioned” might be what I experienced as a teenager, the basics have not changed. Instead of swapping notes, young people swap texts and instant messages, but the feelings and the distractions are the same. For the “Social Networked Generation,” making it “Facebook Official” is the new thing. This is when someone declares their commitment publicly by changing their relationship status on their Facebook page (don’t take my word for it, Google it). It is not uncommon to see very young teens doing this as well.

While such might be common for the children of this world, should such be commonly embraced by the children of God? Just how influenced have our children been by this world’s concept of dating and relationships? Young people—just how much time are you devoting to the opposite sex?

By inspiration, Paul wrote, “But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife.” He concludes, “And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction” (1 Cor. 7:29-35).

While the context of the above text is, of course, a “present distress” (1 Cor. 7:26) or persecution that Christians were undergoing at the time of writing, there are two fundamental and relevant principles that hold true—they are timeless. 1) The opposite sex can distract us in our service to God, even displacing God as the center of our lives. 2) God authorizes and permits this distraction, but only in the marriage relationship.

So what does this say for our young people who are not ready to marry, but are deeply distracted by the opposite sex? What does this say for the modern “dating” paradigm that our young people are so deeply immersed in? What is it exactly that we are conforming ourselves to (see Romans 12:1-2)?

Who should be at the center of a Christian’s life? Are we not to love the Lord our God with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength (Mark 12:30)? Does this apply only to older Christians or does it apply to our young Christians as well (Lam. 3:27)? Who should we be teaching our young people to keep at the center of their lives long before they are ever even prepared to give their lives to Christ (Prov. 22:6)?

It is from a heart centered on God that springs all the goodness that a marriage could and should be. We just need to recognize that until it is the season of our lives to begin finding a spouse, God should have our undivided attention! A young person might even think of this time as preparation for marriage. As Paul told the young evangelist Timothy, by virtue of our young men spending time as an example in word, conduct, love, spirit, faith and purity, they develop the qualities needed to be good husbands, fathers and spiritual leaders in their future homes (cf. 1 Tim. 4:12-16). Young women, by not being overly focused on that outward adornment for the young men that would vie for attention, can focus on that “hidden person of the heart, that incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that is very precious in the sight of God” (1 Pet. 3:3-4). By emphasizing such, they will find themselves more aptly prepared for marriage and motherhood.

Who should a Christian first and foremost be in a relationship with? Obviously, a relationship with Christ does not preclude all other relationships. However, when a relationship distracts us from our service to the Lord, is it a healthy relationship? Is it an authorized relationship? The only relationship that the Holy Spirit has acknowledged can and might distract us from the Lord is the marriage relationship. When our young people are not ready to marry, all of these boyfriends, girlfriends and other “dating” relationships often take our young people’s hearts away from the Lord, sometimes even turning their hearts away from the Lord.

Frankly, our young people need to give their hearts to the Lord. They need to focus their seemingly limitless supply of energy on doing the work and will of the Lord! Is that robbing of them of their childhood? Does that mean they can’t have fun? It is ludicrous to think that serving the Lord in an undistracted manner as a young person precludes having fun! Life can have many regrets. Ignorance aside, one such regret for me is that I did not spend my youth serving the Lord. Instead, I spent it absorbed in the desires of my flesh. May our young people today not have the same regret. The wise man summed it up as well as could be said in Ecclesiastes 12. I would encourage you to read it.