Adolescence can be challenging in many ways, both for children and for parents. Parents struggle to deal with their children’s growth, as they begin to establish their own ideas and convictions about the things they see in life, often differing from ideas and convictions of their parents. Children struggle as they begin to “spread their wings” in preparation to leave the nest and branch out on their own.

These struggles are natural, but can also lead to other struggles as the transition from childhood to adulthood takes place. Even in Christian homes, these struggles can make for difficult and challenging times, making or breaking the faith of a young person.

In our culture, 18 is considered the legal age of adulthood. At this age, some children leave the home to go to college, sometimes prepared, but often unprepared for the temptations that lay ahead of them. Some marry early and leave so that they may cleave to a spouse (cf. Gen. 2:24). Some are prepared for marriage and its obligations, whereas others are not ready to be responsible for themselves, let alone another precious soul. Some leave to flee an “oppression” they feel in their parents’ home—whether genuine or merely perceived. These are often some of the most painful and scary partings, as they are rarely under good circumstances and are often rooted in anger and rebellion.

In all such cases, the Bible does not leave us without insight and wisdom into these very important years in a young person’s life. Many fail to recognize that much of the book of Proverbs was written as counsel from a father to a young man, seemingly at this very stage of his life. As we read through this wisdom, many truths can be realized for both parent and child.

One basic reality for a parent is that at some point they must trust to the teaching they instilled, which was hopefully godly teaching. They must trust that their instruction gave “prudence to the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion” (Prov. 1:4).

Like Solomon, a parent’s plea is that a young person will “hear the instruction of [his] father” and “not forsake the law of [her] mother” (Prov. 1:8). This can be difficult because of the ever present question of whether we have taught them enough. Yet, if we have taught them to trust in God, then we have indeed given them a foundation that will stand sure in the days ahead, no matter what life may bring. In instructing his son, the wise man said, “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths” (Prov. 3:5-6).

This beautiful admonition is also prefaced with a fact that young people must come to terms with. Transitioning from childhood to adulthood should not include the casting off the bonds of childhood, but rather, the honoring of them. The wise man wrote, “My son, do not forget my law, but let your heart keep my commands; for length of days and long life and peace they will add to you” (Prov. 3:1-2).

Many young people long for the day when they don’t have all of these “silly rules” holding them back—they chafe at their perceived bonds like a shackled prisoner. What young people fail to realize is that their parents felt the same way at their age. Their parents talked, just as they do, about all the things they would never make their children do. Their parents longed for such “freedom” and often allowed that longing to become an ever-present fuel for anger, agitation, and strife in their relationships with their parents. Indeed, there is nothing new under the sun (Eccl. 1:9), yet, does it have to be so?

It is so very crucial at this point that a young person take to heart the admonitions of their parents. For loving and godly parents, whose teachings are indeed “in the Lord” (Eph. 6:1) should never be deemed a bane to young people, but a blessing. They should honor those teachings, even as they spread their wings and take flight. They should not depart from them easily. Indeed, the proverb “Train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6) is as much an admonition to the child as it is to a parent. Even when it is discovered that a parent was mistaken, misguided or in error on some matter, the departure from their teaching should not be an easy one for a child. It should be carefully and prayerfully endeavored upon and only departed from because the teaching they are embracing comes from their Father who is in Heaven!

Unfortunately, far too many of our young people become enamored with the ideas presented to them in college, in the workplace, by evil companions (1 Cor. 15:33), and even in the church. Other religious leaders who they have let have far too much influence in their lives seemingly have wisdom that far surpasses that of their parents and they are eager to embrace anything other than what their parents have taught them. In their zeal to get away from Rome, they run right past Jerusalem. This often has tragic results.

Some of the worst departures come when a young person subscribes to the “sage counsel” of another young person, particularly from one they are dating. It is not that the only advice they can take should come from their parent, it is that too often, the advice of a peer takes higher precedence than the advice of a parent. Once again, based on the wise man’s counsel, this ought not to be so. “My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother; for they will be a graceful ornament on your head, and chains about your neck (Prov. 1:8-9).

The transition from childhood to adulthood can be both scary and exciting for Christian parents and children, yet let it not be fraught with the peril that often besets those of the world. Let our parents remember that children are a “heritage from the Lord” and let our children be like “arrows in the hands of a warrior” (Psa. 127:3-5). Let us all be a blessing to God.