How rampant is the sin of adultery? While an exact number is hard to pinpoint, the low end of most surveys shows that approximately 25% of all married individuals will commit adultery during the course of their marriage. This is not an insignificant issue, it qualifies as an epidemic and Christians are not immune.

Adultery is not a new problem for children of God. The Bible speaks of it often. Two of the Ten Commandments condemn adultery. The seventh commandment says, "You shall not commit adultery" and the tenth says, "You shall not covet your neighbor's wife" (Ex. 20:14, 17).

Even in the first century, Jesus was asked to pass judgment on a case of adultery (John 8:4). Likewise, the apostle Paul had to rebuke the Corinthian church for tolerating the adultery that was in their midst (1 Cor. 5:1-13). Many of the Corinthians were formerly adulterers, but had overcome their sins with the blood of Christ (1 Cor. 6:9-11).

It is unfortunate that so many fail to consider the awful aftermath of adultery! In the wake of something as horrific as a tornado, you will find broken houses, massive misfortune and even death. In the wake of adultery, you will find broken homes, ruined lives and worst of all, spiritual death. There is no image worse than a child whose life has been turned upside down in the aftermath of a parent’s adultery, especially when it leads to a divorce.

With that in mind, I would like to consider the awful aftermath of adultery with the hope that those contemplating committing adultery will pause to reconsider their sinful actions as well as to help those who are attempting to put the pieces back together after adultery has taken place.

One of the greatest deceptions of adulterers is the belief that they will get away with it. The Hebrew writer said, "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Heb. 13:4— emphasis mine, jlp).

Many who commit adultery will never admit to their sin. The wise man admonishes us, "He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy" (Prov. 28:13). The inevitable truth of the matter is that our “sins will find us out” (Num. 32:23).

If you have committed adultery, confess your sin and forsake it now! It is better to be a penitent adulterer facing the consequences of your sin here and now than a guilty adulterer confessing your sin at the judgment seat of Jesus Christ, where it will be too late for repentance (cf. Rev. 21:8)!

Is Divorce Always the Best Course After Adultery?

Make no mistake, God has unequivocally given you the right to put away your adulterous spouse and later remarry if you so choose (Matt. 5:32, 19:9). However, is divorce always the best and only option in the aftermath of adultery?

Under the crushing pain of a betrayal of this degree,  it might be hard to fathom the idea of continuing in your marriage. The right to divorce your spouse will resonate like a flashing red exit light in the back of a pitch dark room. Adultery does not always end in divorce. Many have chosen to rebuild their marriage after this awful act and have been rewarded with a happier and stronger marriage. It is possible! This is why, through your righteous indignation, you must remember that love, “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails” (1 Cor. 13:7-8). Can you imagine any decision more worthy of both fasting and prayer (cf. 1 Cor. 7:5)? Consider the following thoughts before you make your decision.

Though it is a challenge, it is critical to try to discern between a spouse who has made the worst mistake of his or her life and is filled with godly sorrow (cf. 2 Cor. 7:10-11) and one who is genuinely reprobate (cf. 1 John 5:16-17). Giving an adulterous spouse a measure of mercy and grace, rather than giving what is deserved, might just save your marriage and make it stronger than ever. Remember, while God gives us an option to divorce an adulterous spouse, we are not commanded to divorce. Is your marriage worth saving, in spite of the awful atrocity committed against you?

What is the true motive for your divorce? Many use adultery as an excuse to divorce for other reasons. For instance, by withholding intimacy from a spouse, some spouses are complicit in the adultery committed against them. This defrauding may be an act of vengeance for other transgressions by the spouse (cf. Rom. 12:17-21) or may be with the hope of gaining a “scriptural” exit from the marriage for some other reason. While this never excuses the adultery, Paul’s clear teaching in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 will not be overlooked at the judgment. Do not be deceived. The Lord will not only judge your final decision, He will look into your heart and know your motives (1 Cor. 4:5; 1 Sam. 16:7).

Are there children involved? Innocent children are often the biggest victims of the ensuing violence of a divorce. Before you choose to divorce a penitent spouse, consider the consequences to your children. You might also need to consider if staying married to a reprobate spouse will cause more harm to your children than a divorce. It does not matter whether your children are young or old, they will be greatly impacted by your divorce. Yet, your children should not necessarily be the sole motivator in giving your adulterous spouse another chance. However, they should not be carelessly brushed aside as the collateral damage of adultery (cf. Matt. 18:6-7).

Have you reflected on the vows you made before God? Vows before God should never be dismissed lightly (cf. Eccl. 5:4-5). Yet, by giving you the right to divorce your adulterous spouse, God excuses you from that vow. Nevertheless, the words “for better or for worse” should be given their due consideration in light of this monumental decision, particularly in those scenarios where there is even a glimmer of hope for continuing in a happy and successful marriage after the wounds have healed.

The Attitude of a Penitent Adulterer

As a penitent adulterer, you must come to terms with the fact that the privilege of continuing your marriage is a precious gift. The same passages that give your spouse the right to divorce you for your adultery and later remarry another also plainly declare that if an adulterer remarries after being divorced for that adultery, it results in further adultery (Matt. 5:32, 19:9; cf. Rom. 7:3). We know that no adulterer will enter heaven (1 Cor. 6:9; Heb. 13:4; Rev. 21:8). Therefore, you will be obligated by God's law to remain celibate for the kingdom of heaven's sake (Matt. 19:11-12). If you are fortunate, your spouse will choose to forego this right, essentially giving you the gift of another chance at a married life. Even more significant than this is the fact that God has given you the gift of another chance at heaven (1 John 1:8-9). An adulterer certainly does not deserve either of these precious gifts. Therefore, your attitude should reflect a constant state of gratefulness.

As a penitent adulterer, you must be willing to accept the consequences of your infidelity. You have no right to demand the instant restoration of trust to its former status. You proved yourself untrustworthy in a relationship that involves trust on the most intimate level. If your spouse questions your trustworthiness, you need to accept this suspicion as a consequence of your own actions (cf. Prov. 25:19). You have earned that distrust. Therefore, your attitude must demonstrate your willingness to prove yourself trustworthy (cf. 2 Cor. 7:11).

As a penitent adulterer, you must be prepared for Satan to use your adultery against you (cf. 2 Cor. 2:11b). Temptations realized cannot be unrealized. Things seen cannot be unseen. Adultery cannot be unadulterated. Your conscience will be impacted. You will have ghosts that can haunt you for the rest of your life. This is why you will need to be twice as vigilant as the next person (cf. 1 Pet. 5:8-9). You will also need to be even more prayerful (cf. Luke 22:40b) if you are to avoid future temptations in this highly recidivistic sin.

Rebuilding a Broken Home

Let's face it. Adultery is not something you, the adulterer, can undo. While you can be sorry for it and you can repent of it, you cannot take it back. Nor can you pretend it did not happen. You must realize that your adultery has inflicted severe wounds. As is the case with all severe wounds, they will need time to heal and there will always be scars. This is part of the awful aftermath of adultery.

Forgiveness is not optional for the victim of adultery, it is mandatory, whether you divorce or remain married (Matt. 6:14-15). While your spouse should not demand it of you, the biggest challenge will be for you to reaffirm your love as you restore your spouse (cf. 2 Cor. 2:1-11). Though it will not be easy, reaffirmation and restoration are an essential part of the rebuilding process. You cannot hold the sin of adultery over your spouse’s head and expect the healing to begin. Reflecting on the love of our Lord on the cross will help you as you dress the wounds your heart has endured. Our Lord forgave those who nailed Him to cross, even as He died for them (Luke 23:34). If you believe that you are incapable of the kind of mercy that Jesus Christ showed those who crucified Him, then reflect upon Stephen, a mere man, who forgave those who stoned him to death for telling the truth, even as the rocks were still leaving their hands (Acts 7:57-60).

You must both accept the fact that your relationship is severely damaged, if not broken. It will require a great deal of careful and prayerful repair. It will require extra measures of love, patience and diligence. Yet, with the grace of God, your marriage can be saved and your relationship can be rebuilt. Realizing the love of God in your lives, you can rebuild your broken home.